for struggling comedians.
Revolutionary new program offers hope!
you written absolutely brilliant comedic material only to find
yourself buried under a new stack of lawsuits after each rewritten
Time after time.
Have you spent years and a small fortune on comedy schools and coaches
and psychiatrists trying to "get it right"? Not
to mention all those nightclub pie detectors and security
guards. Only to find those pies flying in your face each time.
Does your audience show up with pitchforks, flaming torches and nooses each night?
Do you find yourself trying to screw up the courage to make that jump
off the Golden Gate Bridge after each escape?
Friend, has it ever occurred to you that maybe it's not you,
but your audience that's screwed-up?
Let our crack team of Fired Army Drill Sergeants whip those whiny spoiled audiences into shape for you with our new
"Get a Life"
audience Basic Training Program.
But this is just a first glimpse at the beginning of whole new life of success,
fame and fortune long denied to you for which you have been yearning
for all your life.
Our new, exciting and exclusive patented Comedy Audience Rehabilitation
utilises a new and revolutionary audience behavior modification
program pioneered, developed and finally perfected by Philip Zimbardo after
struggling for decades on the problem at the Stanford Comedy Laboratories.
Canned laugh tracks and a hidden remote control button in your pocket in
combination with special operant conditioning electrodes in the audience
chairs provide instant laughter for you as the "LAUGH!"
Secret undercover agents, "goon show" rejects, laugh "heavies" and shills
peppered in the audience provide additional motivation. Guaranteeing you
those laughs you have longed for year after year.
Do not trouble yourself about the cost. You have enough problems as it is.
Sign away all your worries with us today. That second mortgage on your
house will soon be returned to you beyond your wildest dreams as those
laughs start rolling in.
("beyond your wildest dreams")
President, Die Laughing Inc.
(subdivision of Last Laugh Conglomerates,
formerly "That's Not Funny!" Enterprises)